[Ruby] Poco a poco (little by little)

I want to talk a little about how what it's been like, recording the history of Co-Madres, or as they say, rescatar su historia. First of all, this kind of thing is not in my repertoire. I'm an elementary school teacher. I teach little kids how to speak English, and how to read and write in Spanish. Usually, though not this year, I'm surrounded by smiling children all day! I spend my time thinking about how to organize lessons, how to make learning relevant, how to show my students that they're important and smart. I'm troubled by how to help a student get it (what ever "it" is that day), or how to motivate another kid. I'm moving and talking and listening all day. I wore a pedometer at work for a while, and found I walk between 2 and 5 miles a day at school. I do NOT spend my time sitting, writing and doing research. Especially not the sitting part.

And as for Inez- when we started this, she was between her freshman and sophmore year at Haverford College. She was 18 for crying out loud! What was I thinking, dragging her into this project, when I myself had no idea how I what I was doing?! But I knew I couldn't do it alone and that she'd be a great partner. Besides, her Spanish was way better than mine. and she was a lit major. That might come in handy.

Maybe it's clear by now- we really had no idea how we were going to accomplish this or what we were getting ourselves into. I was following what Quakers call a leading, that is, a voice inside me telling me to do this thing, a voice I couldn't ignore. At many points in the process I've been terrified- how could I say I'd help these amazing women write their history? Or more precisely, how could I say I'd get their  history published? Before starting, I was terrified at the prospect of making a promise that I didn't know if I could keep, from a logistical point of view. But this leading... like I said, I couldn't ignore it. I had to try.

After we began, I think Inez and I both realized that the greater terror is in facing the content of the stories.

As we got to know some of the members of Co-Madres and began to hear more of their testimonies, I think this is when we began to realize how emotionally difficult this project was going to be. There have been so many times when I've had an image rumbling around and around in my head, an image of torture, an image of sorrow... I've woken up at night from a dream about a particular, painful moment in one of the madre's life. Usually when something is bothering me, I'll call a friend or talk to my partner about it. But when I can't get these thoughts out of my head, I don't know what to do. It seems unfair to burden anyone else with these images. I can hardly bear to even speak the stories out loud, let alone cause someone else the pain of hearing them. And then to transcribe and edit these stories- we have to listen or read, over and over and over again. Painful, unthinkable acts. There have been times when I've just had to stop, for a day or a week.

But the women of Co-Madres want, they need this history to be known. So we keep plugging away, slowly slowly, poco a poco. It's such an honor to be doing this with and for them.

"Demanding truth and justice for our children, disappeared, assassinated."